You guys still think I complain for the sake of complaining. I can tell and it frustrates me. I don't think you understand when I say I hate my life right now.

Everyday waking up at 7:30 to get ready for classes, in classes until afternoon. Then everyday volunteering another couple of hours until 3. And then all I do is lock myself in the library until a little after 1 studying. Return home and come to a fucking mess because my roommates are completely incapable of cleaning up after themselves - trash coming out of the trashcan and filled Hefty trashbags laying all over the kitchen, where the sink is practically exploding with dirty dishes. The smell of spoiling food and mold bombarding my senses, I want to vomit every night when I come home. I go to sleep by maybe 3 and repeat again for five days out of the week.

And during the weekend - you guys tell all the stories about weekly adventures trying to get off campus with friends and doing something fun. If I'm lucky, we'll hang out and watch a movie here. If I'm lucky, and I'm usually not.

For Thanksgiving, I broke down crying on the phone trying to get back home, and in the end I couldn't do it because I just couldn't take the money away from my family. All through Thanksgiving I looked forward to only one thing - seeing everybody during that one video chat all at once. But alas, after ignoring my phonecall for fourty minutes, and then another twenty of you guys telling me you couldn't, you finally said you might be able to - the internet dies. I broke down. I punched a hole through the wall.

And still, I don't think you understand how much I hate it, how much I want to be back, and I can tell from the tone of every email from the inflection in your voice that you think I'm complaining for attention's sake. It frustrates me to no end, and somehow because I've complained too much I've become an accessory to the group - frequently forgotten phonecalls, a forgotten birthday (when yesterday when I called somebody almost the first thing was "it's so-and-so's birthday be sure to call!") - I have fallen out of everything.

I fucking hate everything right now, I don't think you understand.