Written by Anonymous on Monday July 13th, 2009 in Rants
You may one day discover that I wrote this, however I wrote this for myself and not for you.
I've spent too long living in a world that was too small for me. I've wanted to spread my wings and fly away. Years have gone by and still it feels like eternity until I'll be free. I live in a place that is 20 minutes by car from any sense of what you would call a city. All you can see for miles are roads and farmland. That being said, I don't think I've ever considered myself a country bumpkin of any kind. For years I've had to survive here and I've never really realized how distant I am from everyone and everything that I find important. The house I live in is small and as a consequence I never really invited anyone over that often. Not only that but living in a small house also means that the possessions that a family collects over the years builds up. Little space remains to sit or for that matter walk down the hallway.
I've lived in a cage. One set in place by my parents, unintentionally of course. They would do it for my well being. Balance your schedule and leave plenty of time to succeed. My life was always focused on academics, always spending time reading books and writing papers. I suppose it paid off in the long run. I ended up being accepted to colleges, including one that I found exciting to say the least. What kept me caged however was the constant struggle to be more independent, to move around. I wanted to participate in sports, but there would be none of that. There couldn't be some sort of after school activity interrupting your valuable studying time. I wanted to hang around after school and talk with some of my friends. We can't have that though, you have to be picked up by your mom everyday in time to drive home so that she could start dinner. I wanted to learn to drive so that I could take myself to school. Took them long enough for that one and in reality I still haven't learned to drive a manual car even though that now only leaves me with one car in our household to drive which always seems to be out and about somewhere.
It wasn't until last year that I was able to spread my wings. I was able to see what life is like in college where I have people that I care greatly for and the nearest convenience of any kind is never more that 10 minutes away by foot. No reporting to the parents where I was going, who I'd be with, how long the given activity was supposed to take. No blocking unreasonable amounts of time in the afternoon for homework that led to nothing to do later at night. I felt I was able to connect with people who shared my interests for the first time. I didn't have to rely on the television for entertainment or physical human interaction for the first time. I got to determine what I was doing, and while my academics may have suffered a little, I find the trade-off incredibly worth the price I paid. No one was going to stop me from taking flight on the weekend and having an adventure with my friends until the next morning. I wasn't yelled at by anyone that I'd put off yet another essay until the last day and was pulling an all-nighter. No one stopped me from trying dozens of different sports even if it was only for a day or two.
That ended this summer. I'm back at home, in the cage. Only now I can see the walls. I know that I have to live here to have a place to live, but it just doesn't seem that humane anymore. I keep telling myself that it's only for a few months, you've lived here for years, but for some reason I keep yearning to stretch and fly once again.
I've spent too long living in a world that was too small for me. I've wanted to spread my wings and fly away. Years have gone by and still it feels like eternity until I'll be free. I live in a place that is 20 minutes by car from any sense of what you would call a city. All you can see for miles are roads and farmland. That being said, I don't think I've ever considered myself a country bumpkin of any kind. For years I've had to survive here and I've never really realized how distant I am from everyone and everything that I find important. The house I live in is small and as a consequence I never really invited anyone over that often. Not only that but living in a small house also means that the possessions that a family collects over the years builds up. Little space remains to sit or for that matter walk down the hallway.
I've lived in a cage. One set in place by my parents, unintentionally of course. They would do it for my well being. Balance your schedule and leave plenty of time to succeed. My life was always focused on academics, always spending time reading books and writing papers. I suppose it paid off in the long run. I ended up being accepted to colleges, including one that I found exciting to say the least. What kept me caged however was the constant struggle to be more independent, to move around. I wanted to participate in sports, but there would be none of that. There couldn't be some sort of after school activity interrupting your valuable studying time. I wanted to hang around after school and talk with some of my friends. We can't have that though, you have to be picked up by your mom everyday in time to drive home so that she could start dinner. I wanted to learn to drive so that I could take myself to school. Took them long enough for that one and in reality I still haven't learned to drive a manual car even though that now only leaves me with one car in our household to drive which always seems to be out and about somewhere.
It wasn't until last year that I was able to spread my wings. I was able to see what life is like in college where I have people that I care greatly for and the nearest convenience of any kind is never more that 10 minutes away by foot. No reporting to the parents where I was going, who I'd be with, how long the given activity was supposed to take. No blocking unreasonable amounts of time in the afternoon for homework that led to nothing to do later at night. I felt I was able to connect with people who shared my interests for the first time. I didn't have to rely on the television for entertainment or physical human interaction for the first time. I got to determine what I was doing, and while my academics may have suffered a little, I find the trade-off incredibly worth the price I paid. No one was going to stop me from taking flight on the weekend and having an adventure with my friends until the next morning. I wasn't yelled at by anyone that I'd put off yet another essay until the last day and was pulling an all-nighter. No one stopped me from trying dozens of different sports even if it was only for a day or two.
That ended this summer. I'm back at home, in the cage. Only now I can see the walls. I know that I have to live here to have a place to live, but it just doesn't seem that humane anymore. I keep telling myself that it's only for a few months, you've lived here for years, but for some reason I keep yearning to stretch and fly once again.