It’s never been a question of whether or not I’m capable.  I’ve always been capable.  I’ve never really had problems before.  If I wanted to do something I was always able to do it easily.  I’ve never really needed to try before.  So why should I have to try now.  It’s always come to me without any problems.  Never once have I asked the question and been ridiculed.  In fact every time I’ve been able to ask it I’ve gotten good results.  So what exactly is wrong with asking again?  What is wrong with me?  To be insane is to do the same thing over and over again and to expect different results.  So by that logic, it seems insane to expect poor results from the same thing.  It is often said that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.  So if I don’t take a shot I’ll just end up missing out.  Again.  How many times have I let it slip away?  How many times has me and my insanity caused pain and tears.  Yet, nothing changes.  Every time I either hurt someone else or I miss my shot, because I never took it.  They always counted on me in games.  Always a leader, even on my off days I would try as hard as I could.  My dad always liked to quote this “You will never be the biggest, you may never be the strongest, you may not be the most gifted, but you can always work the hardest.”  So, what if I worked at it, practiced it, and made it so easy for myself to ask the question?  What then?  Would the meaning still be there?  Would it really be the same if it was easy?  Would it convey the same message?  Then again, what am I worrying for?  It’s not like I’ll ever change.  Despite what I tell myself I am in no way capable of doing this on my own.  The first time I tried I had a nervous breakdown.  Started laughing, couldn’t stop.  It took me 5 minutes to finally ask the question.  And it still worked out for me.  The second time I was told that if I didn’t ask then, then I could never ask again.  The third time was odd.  I never really asked, but it was understood.  The fourth time it was kind of like jeopardy.  I was told the answer, and then I responded with the question.  Every time it has been unreasonably hard to ask, but every time, I wish I had asked it sooner.  So I will take this as a kick in the pants to get my ass in gear and do things right.  I hope.