Written by Jerry Mcnertney on Wednesday July 22nd, 2009 in Creative
Steven Davila was a punctual man. Prompt, on time, on the dot, and every meaning of the word. Every second was planned, every moment was excruciatingly detailed. His strictly scheduled behavior naturally lead to an almost neurotic dependency on his wristwatch: At precisely 6:03 every morning he would get up, take a shower lasting exactly 8 minutes, and after getting dressed, shaving, brushing his teeth and otherwise preparing for the day, he finishes breakfast at exactly 6:43 everyday, which leaves enough time to catch the 6:50 train where he enjoys half an hour of reading the morning news, and so on. Every minute the same routine set to his watch. Every day the same routine set to his watch. A watch that unfortunately runs a tad bit slower each day (was that foreshadowing too obvious? too cliche? crap I have to work on that hold on... how about... whatever).
Mike Moseley at the age of 20 dropped out of college to find Nirvana, a decision that left him abandoned by his family. Mike comes from a well-to-do family - the kind with trustfunds enough money to bring a third-world nation out of poverty. As such he was always afforded the very best in education: private tutoring, private schools, preparatory schools, and some ivy league college. He was supposed to become a lawyer, then go into politics, run for governor, and later for president (it was one of those families). At the age of 20 Mike had an epiphany, which may or may not have been reached with some cannabis (ok fine I won't dance around it: he was smoking pot and high off his rockers), which lead him to burn his money and rely on the "goodwill" of other human beings, which he discovered was not very much. But he enjoys the life of homelessness. It brings him much closer to Nirvana. And he enjoys sitting in trains simply watching people. It brings him much closer to understanding (why 42 is the answer to the ultimate question). His sanity is also in question (I am not getting this exposition thing... maybe that was too brief a statement to just leave it? hmmm). His family made him see a psychiatrist, he was prescribed meds (is that enough? it is now.).
Aishe Hostnik is a gypsy, but not any more of a gypsy than sixth generation Chinese in California are Chinese. She went to medical school, at one time, and found that she would be much happier and make enough money is she used her gypsy complexion and became a fortune teller. She learned all the tricks: pick some cards, read some palms, look into a mystifying crystal ball, and then say something generic that the customer came to see - if besheveled "you are in great danger" if blonde "you will find love" and other such "fortunes." She managed to pay off her student loans and lives quite comfortably amongst as a fortune teller. She enjoys candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach and........ Almost forgot, her name is not actually "Aishe Hostnik," it's Janice Turner (not that it's really important. But I'm sure many people are questioning the name Aishe Hostnik but she made it up after she left med school, it makes her gypsyfortunetelling more believable. It was legally changed a couple years ago.).
6:03 - Steven Davila's alarm goes off. Today his watch is really off so in reality it's 6:34.
6:34 - Steven Davila's alarm goes off. He thinks it's 6:03. He goes about his morning routines just like every morning unaware of how absolutely off his timing is. But alas, he lives on in blissful happiness (unaware of how absolutely off his timing is). Mike Moseley has been up for a couple hours by now, still hungover from a day (a day, mind you, not a night) of heavy drinking. He awoke to find himself passed out under the bridge, and the next couple of hours he amused himself by being the troll that lived under the bridge in a (somewhat sad) attempt to raise money for surviving the next day in drunken stupor. The only success he had was some drunk college kids wandering around (this is about 4:30, remember?). Fucking pricks he muttered to himself as he graciously accepted their money. What did you say? asked one of the drunk kids a little too loudly and fell over, puking. Mike walked away. With the money he decided to ride the train all day staring at people.
If you're wondering Aishe is still asleep. It's 6:34 afterall.
7:21 - Steven is incredibly mad that the 6:50 train isn't here yet. He is infuriated. He pulls out a sheet of paper and begins to write a long letter in complaint. He thinks he's waiting for the 6:50 train (which, according to his watch should have arrived a minute earlier). He is actually waiting for the 7:30 train. Well shucks.
7:30 - Steven gets on the train. Again, he is infuriated, he is incredibly mad. And to make things worse, all the seats are taken. He stares down a homeless bum with peircing eyes as if saying Get out of my God damned seat you bastard I am late I bet you drunkenly passed out and the doors just wouldn't close because you were in the way. He ends his gaze and fumes in the corner. Mike Moseley is calmly watching people. He looks around and sees a person staring at him intently as if saying Oh I am going to kill you just you wait I know what you did leaving that drunk kid on the bridge choking on his own barf he's probably dead you should be ashamed of yourself. Mike felt ashamed and diverted his eyes to the entrance where a woman walks in and looks at him with eyes that say Eeeewwwwwwwwwww. He thinks to himself Condescending bitch. Aishe just rolled out of bed half an hour ago and is still groggy and sleep-deprived. She gets on to a train, looks around with half-asleep eyes, sees a hobo staring at her shrugs it off and falls asleep standing.
7:40 - Sorry for the inconvenience sounds from the intercom and somewhat jumbled. Steven is infuriated, he is incredibly mad. Fuck that I am not moving from this train you bastards making me wait I hate public transportation blah blah blah he keeps muttering. Aishe is asleep and doesn't move. Mike sits stoicly in the corner observing people and doesn't move. Everybody else on the train leaves. There are three people on this train (..... awkward.....). Actually four. Some person of no importance walks on to the train as it's pulling out unaware that it's just been decommissioned for the day.
7:45 - The train pulls into a "maitenance" place nobody can get off.
7:50 - Aishe finally wakes up and thinks What the? Why isn't the train moving what is going on? and sees three other people on the train. A guy with a suitcase, presumably working for the train people, walks on and sees these four people. At that very moment all five of these people think Look at these people. Glassy-eyed automations going about their daily lives, never stopping to look around them and THINK! I am the only conscious human in a world of sheep. (Here's a very good picture of what this scene happens to look like: http://xkcd.com/610/)
Excuse me, says the man who walks on board, breaking the silence, but this train is out of commission for the next hour or so. Unfortunately, you can't actually get off... (we never thought any dumbasses would actually stay on so we're not prepared for this he mutters under his breath) so please bare with us and we'll get going as soon as possible.
Well, that's just great!!! yells Steven. He is furious, he is incredibly mad.
We could try to make the most out of it...? says the inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute
.... says Mike
The inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute suddenly is taken aback. Wait a second! he proclaims Aren't you the fortune teller? he asks Aishe
Yes, I am a fortune teller.
This is perfect! so you can tell us when this thing is going to move right? Also I've been getting the sense I am being followed and I think... well I dunno maybe my life will end soon? Did I get stuck on the train because blah blah blah
Aishe stops listening and takes a moment to think to herself: hmmm well I guess I can't get to work maybe if I tell him something he'll pay me. It'd be such a waste of an hour. Let's see it's 7:50 and the guy said it's going to be another hour, it's much more convincing if I use some random and questionably precise time so let's go with 8:42 and he's aggitated so...
she opens her mouth and talks: We'll get out of here at 8:42 and yes, your life is in danger. (that'll be good enough I think wait, maybe I should keep going...) I would be especially careful on top of rooftops. And stay away from balconies. (good good... oh! I've got a good one) and if you see a man carrying a bag of sea salt and vinegar chips, I'd be really careful.
Oh thank you! How could I repay you? Here have some money!
(wow... that was oddly really easy)
Mike gets up. You're a fortune teller?! Did you say 42?! 42 and life?! What did you say? I've got it! I figured it out! Oh my thank you thank you thank you thank you I understand I understand understand understand I understand! Oh thank you thank you thank you How can I repay you? I don't have much I have this though (maybe it'll help for the wait)
(what is he going on about? 42? is he offering me sea salt and vinegar chips? oh... fucking crap...)
SEA SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS! SKETCHY LOOKING GUY RAMBLING ABOUT 42?!?! the inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute screams and begins to run, only to collide with Steven.
Steven is infuriated. He is incredibly mad. Especially since some random guy just ran into him, which knocked his watch off. He booms and bellows WHAT THE --?!
The watch rolls to Aishe, she picks it up and hands it to Steven saying You know your watch is about half an hour too slow right?
Are you serious?
Yeah...
Steven: So my entire life? My whole plan, it's been...? No! This can't be? My life is... !!!
Mike: I've figured it out! I know the meaning of life! Nirvana here I come!
the inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute: that fortune teller is spooky good... eeep sea salt...
Aishe: What? I should've stayed in med school.
train guy: What the fuck is happening? This doesn't make any sense. That's it! I'm going to get this train moving you guys are crazy.
The end.
And the moral of the story is...
Wait, what the hell just happened?!
Mike Moseley at the age of 20 dropped out of college to find Nirvana, a decision that left him abandoned by his family. Mike comes from a well-to-do family - the kind with trustfunds enough money to bring a third-world nation out of poverty. As such he was always afforded the very best in education: private tutoring, private schools, preparatory schools, and some ivy league college. He was supposed to become a lawyer, then go into politics, run for governor, and later for president (it was one of those families). At the age of 20 Mike had an epiphany, which may or may not have been reached with some cannabis (ok fine I won't dance around it: he was smoking pot and high off his rockers), which lead him to burn his money and rely on the "goodwill" of other human beings, which he discovered was not very much. But he enjoys the life of homelessness. It brings him much closer to Nirvana. And he enjoys sitting in trains simply watching people. It brings him much closer to understanding (why 42 is the answer to the ultimate question). His sanity is also in question (I am not getting this exposition thing... maybe that was too brief a statement to just leave it? hmmm). His family made him see a psychiatrist, he was prescribed meds (is that enough? it is now.).
Aishe Hostnik is a gypsy, but not any more of a gypsy than sixth generation Chinese in California are Chinese. She went to medical school, at one time, and found that she would be much happier and make enough money is she used her gypsy complexion and became a fortune teller. She learned all the tricks: pick some cards, read some palms, look into a mystifying crystal ball, and then say something generic that the customer came to see - if besheveled "you are in great danger" if blonde "you will find love" and other such "fortunes." She managed to pay off her student loans and lives quite comfortably amongst as a fortune teller. She enjoys candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach and........ Almost forgot, her name is not actually "Aishe Hostnik," it's Janice Turner (not that it's really important. But I'm sure many people are questioning the name Aishe Hostnik but she made it up after she left med school, it makes her gypsyfortunetelling more believable. It was legally changed a couple years ago.).
6:03 - Steven Davila's alarm goes off. Today his watch is really off so in reality it's 6:34.
6:34 - Steven Davila's alarm goes off. He thinks it's 6:03. He goes about his morning routines just like every morning unaware of how absolutely off his timing is. But alas, he lives on in blissful happiness (unaware of how absolutely off his timing is). Mike Moseley has been up for a couple hours by now, still hungover from a day (a day, mind you, not a night) of heavy drinking. He awoke to find himself passed out under the bridge, and the next couple of hours he amused himself by being the troll that lived under the bridge in a (somewhat sad) attempt to raise money for surviving the next day in drunken stupor. The only success he had was some drunk college kids wandering around (this is about 4:30, remember?). Fucking pricks he muttered to himself as he graciously accepted their money. What did you say? asked one of the drunk kids a little too loudly and fell over, puking. Mike walked away. With the money he decided to ride the train all day staring at people.
If you're wondering Aishe is still asleep. It's 6:34 afterall.
7:21 - Steven is incredibly mad that the 6:50 train isn't here yet. He is infuriated. He pulls out a sheet of paper and begins to write a long letter in complaint. He thinks he's waiting for the 6:50 train (which, according to his watch should have arrived a minute earlier). He is actually waiting for the 7:30 train. Well shucks.
7:30 - Steven gets on the train. Again, he is infuriated, he is incredibly mad. And to make things worse, all the seats are taken. He stares down a homeless bum with peircing eyes as if saying Get out of my God damned seat you bastard I am late I bet you drunkenly passed out and the doors just wouldn't close because you were in the way. He ends his gaze and fumes in the corner. Mike Moseley is calmly watching people. He looks around and sees a person staring at him intently as if saying Oh I am going to kill you just you wait I know what you did leaving that drunk kid on the bridge choking on his own barf he's probably dead you should be ashamed of yourself. Mike felt ashamed and diverted his eyes to the entrance where a woman walks in and looks at him with eyes that say Eeeewwwwwwwwwww. He thinks to himself Condescending bitch. Aishe just rolled out of bed half an hour ago and is still groggy and sleep-deprived. She gets on to a train, looks around with half-asleep eyes, sees a hobo staring at her shrugs it off and falls asleep standing.
7:40 - Sorry for the inconvenience sounds from the intercom and somewhat jumbled. Steven is infuriated, he is incredibly mad. Fuck that I am not moving from this train you bastards making me wait I hate public transportation blah blah blah he keeps muttering. Aishe is asleep and doesn't move. Mike sits stoicly in the corner observing people and doesn't move. Everybody else on the train leaves. There are three people on this train (..... awkward.....). Actually four. Some person of no importance walks on to the train as it's pulling out unaware that it's just been decommissioned for the day.
7:45 - The train pulls into a "maitenance" place nobody can get off.
7:50 - Aishe finally wakes up and thinks What the? Why isn't the train moving what is going on? and sees three other people on the train. A guy with a suitcase, presumably working for the train people, walks on and sees these four people. At that very moment all five of these people think Look at these people. Glassy-eyed automations going about their daily lives, never stopping to look around them and THINK! I am the only conscious human in a world of sheep. (Here's a very good picture of what this scene happens to look like: http://xkcd.com/610/)
Excuse me, says the man who walks on board, breaking the silence, but this train is out of commission for the next hour or so. Unfortunately, you can't actually get off... (we never thought any dumbasses would actually stay on so we're not prepared for this he mutters under his breath) so please bare with us and we'll get going as soon as possible.
Well, that's just great!!! yells Steven. He is furious, he is incredibly mad.
We could try to make the most out of it...? says the inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute
.... says Mike
The inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute suddenly is taken aback. Wait a second! he proclaims Aren't you the fortune teller? he asks Aishe
Yes, I am a fortune teller.
This is perfect! so you can tell us when this thing is going to move right? Also I've been getting the sense I am being followed and I think... well I dunno maybe my life will end soon? Did I get stuck on the train because blah blah blah
Aishe stops listening and takes a moment to think to herself: hmmm well I guess I can't get to work maybe if I tell him something he'll pay me. It'd be such a waste of an hour. Let's see it's 7:50 and the guy said it's going to be another hour, it's much more convincing if I use some random and questionably precise time so let's go with 8:42 and he's aggitated so...
she opens her mouth and talks: We'll get out of here at 8:42 and yes, your life is in danger. (that'll be good enough I think wait, maybe I should keep going...) I would be especially careful on top of rooftops. And stay away from balconies. (good good... oh! I've got a good one) and if you see a man carrying a bag of sea salt and vinegar chips, I'd be really careful.
Oh thank you! How could I repay you? Here have some money!
(wow... that was oddly really easy)
Mike gets up. You're a fortune teller?! Did you say 42?! 42 and life?! What did you say? I've got it! I figured it out! Oh my thank you thank you thank you thank you I understand I understand understand understand I understand! Oh thank you thank you thank you How can I repay you? I don't have much I have this though (maybe it'll help for the wait)
(what is he going on about? 42? is he offering me sea salt and vinegar chips? oh... fucking crap...)
SEA SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS! SKETCHY LOOKING GUY RAMBLING ABOUT 42?!?! the inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute screams and begins to run, only to collide with Steven.
Steven is infuriated. He is incredibly mad. Especially since some random guy just ran into him, which knocked his watch off. He booms and bellows WHAT THE --?!
The watch rolls to Aishe, she picks it up and hands it to Steven saying You know your watch is about half an hour too slow right?
Are you serious?
Yeah...
Steven: So my entire life? My whole plan, it's been...? No! This can't be? My life is... !!!
Mike: I've figured it out! I know the meaning of life! Nirvana here I come!
the inconsequential person who walked on at the last minute: that fortune teller is spooky good... eeep sea salt...
Aishe: What? I should've stayed in med school.
train guy: What the fuck is happening? This doesn't make any sense. That's it! I'm going to get this train moving you guys are crazy.
The end.
And the moral of the story is...
Wait, what the hell just happened?!